The Jewish New Yorker
my life has changed in two huge ways since tuesday night.
1. on saturday, i will officially become a vegan. if you want your life to be changed, read skinny bitch. if you want to remain ignorant about the shit you put in your mouth, eat a cow, you dumb hooker.
2. a phone call from my dad that began with, "i have some bad news, sweetie," has spurred a tornado of movement in my life, starting with me coming into work wednesday and telling them i needed a few days off to boarding a plane in D.C. this morning and flying across the country. to go to a hospital. to watch my grandmother die for the next three days.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
this sucks unbelievably.
maybe it actually doesn't.
the part i might feel worst about is this creeping feeling of none other than our friend relief... because granny dubs is kind of done with the living thing and has been talking about death for i don't know, the last five years maybe?
that doesn't make it better, that doesn't mean i'm happy that tomorrow i'm going to most likely see my grandma die, but it makes this just a little more bearable.
what makes it miserable and awful is coming home from being in spain for six months and seeing my normally sharp grandma in a nursing facility talking to people in the room that didn't exist. and then coming back a month later and finding her in what can only be described as a drug-induced coma... it just doesn't seem fair. she has been ready to die for the longest time, but whatever force is at work here (or isn't at work here) is dragging this out into the least dignified way to die possible.
it's nice to be able to say goodbye while i'm here. it sucks to watch her struggle open-mouthed and unconscious for air.
she's been cutting and rude and kind of obnoxious and loud and jewish her entire life... this isn't the way i imagined it going.
and, you know, there's all those things i wish she could have been around for, like watching me graduate with no job, breaking her heart when i bring home someone that will be way more irish than jewish, and meeting her future grandkid that ew, i never want to have.
hm.
my uncle philosophized to me about life, the universe, and everything today for about an hour and a half while i drifted in and out of attention, saying nothing. smart man.
"the great thing about her was that she wanted the best for everyone, even though she didn't know what the best was for everyone. she cared about people, but she didn't care about people as a southern belle... she cared about them as a jewish new yorker."
to my jewish new yorker of a grandma: i miss you already.
1. on saturday, i will officially become a vegan. if you want your life to be changed, read skinny bitch. if you want to remain ignorant about the shit you put in your mouth, eat a cow, you dumb hooker.
2. a phone call from my dad that began with, "i have some bad news, sweetie," has spurred a tornado of movement in my life, starting with me coming into work wednesday and telling them i needed a few days off to boarding a plane in D.C. this morning and flying across the country. to go to a hospital. to watch my grandmother die for the next three days.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
this sucks unbelievably.
maybe it actually doesn't.
the part i might feel worst about is this creeping feeling of none other than our friend relief... because granny dubs is kind of done with the living thing and has been talking about death for i don't know, the last five years maybe?
that doesn't make it better, that doesn't mean i'm happy that tomorrow i'm going to most likely see my grandma die, but it makes this just a little more bearable.
what makes it miserable and awful is coming home from being in spain for six months and seeing my normally sharp grandma in a nursing facility talking to people in the room that didn't exist. and then coming back a month later and finding her in what can only be described as a drug-induced coma... it just doesn't seem fair. she has been ready to die for the longest time, but whatever force is at work here (or isn't at work here) is dragging this out into the least dignified way to die possible.
it's nice to be able to say goodbye while i'm here. it sucks to watch her struggle open-mouthed and unconscious for air.
she's been cutting and rude and kind of obnoxious and loud and jewish her entire life... this isn't the way i imagined it going.
and, you know, there's all those things i wish she could have been around for, like watching me graduate with no job, breaking her heart when i bring home someone that will be way more irish than jewish, and meeting her future grandkid that ew, i never want to have.
hm.
my uncle philosophized to me about life, the universe, and everything today for about an hour and a half while i drifted in and out of attention, saying nothing. smart man.
"the great thing about her was that she wanted the best for everyone, even though she didn't know what the best was for everyone. she cared about people, but she didn't care about people as a southern belle... she cared about them as a jewish new yorker."
to my jewish new yorker of a grandma: i miss you already.